But what about the Bruins?

Finally, a super Boston sports team tattoo sighting! And on the Red Line, no less. So suck it, Green line! You may have some hipster-rific calf tats, but the Red Line keeps it real. Red Line riders have legit Boston pride. That's right. Red Line riders love the Pats, Celtics and Sox. But apparently not the Bruins.

I've made no secret about my disdain for Boston sports teams or their fans. They're whiny brats and they act like they never win anything. Even though they win. All. The. Time. Seven championships since 2002. Yeah we get it, your sports teams have won a major championship in each pro sport in less than a decade. Blah, blah, blah. Be cocky like a Lakers fan or a Yankees fan. Don't act like your team never wins anything.

Shoot, it's even there in the wiki entry about Sports in Boston. I know I got a little riled up there but this tattoo illustrates my issue with Boston sport fans -- How can you act like you have an undying love for your Boston sports teams and then leave one off of your calf tattoo? Maybe this ink was completed before the Bruins won. But, based on the fact that the order of the logo does not coincide with the order the teams won their championships (at least in the last decade), I'd speculate these heinous things were put there all at the same time. So why leave the Bruins off then? Like most things about Boston sports fandom, the whole thing makes little sense.

While this bro's calf tat will irk the ever-living crap out of me for at least another day, I should say something about what he's actually doing right here. His outfit was pretty Boston-tastic. I know that time and again I've said that cargo shorts are the best way to really show off your calf tattoo. But ... I'm going to give the guy a pass on the lack of cargo shorts (also known as Boston's finest going out attire for men), because he was keeping it real casual. In any other city, you'd assume a guy wearing mesh shorts, a hoodie, backwards hat and looking extra sweaty had just come from the gym. Not in Boston. This outfit is pure Boston casual wear perfection. It was a bit warm out, so that probably explained the sweatiness. Or it could be the guy had a serious case of the DTs going on. The train was headed to Ashmont (located in good old Dorchester), after all.

Calf Tats on Vacation

To me, summer and vacation are interchangeable. Maybe it's because I was just got back from vacation, so everything is synonymous with vacation right now, but I think you've read enough posts to kinda figure out how my (dysfunctional) brain works. So you know I'm going to somehow tie this into calf tattoos. In case you were wondering, here is a summary of my thought process:

In the summer (or on vacation), you wear shorts.
Cargo shorts are a staple accessory for calf tattoos.
Calf tattoos are awesome!
I should blog about calf tattoos on vacation.
Oh goodie, I have friends that sent me some calf tat sightings while they were on vacation.

The first picture was sent in by my friend, Eric. He's in med school in San Francisco, but he still manages to check in when he can and humor my calf tat obsession. Have I mentioned how awesome my friends are?! Anyway, he snapped this gorgeous specimen while boarding the ferry to Sausalito. Day trips count as vacations in my book.

That's Eric's shadow!

He also made a point to mention that he also saw a 'fleur de lis calf tat on an old dude' but was too far away to get a picture. Normally, I would be pretty upset that he missed the fleur de lis calf tattoo, but the one he did capture is really well done. That is a work of art. Great shading, nice calves. Everything a calf tat should be.

On the other side of the spectrum, way out in hot mess territory is the picture sent to me this weekend by my college roommate. To be fair, she spotted this guy at the craps table in Vegas. And I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that we all know that Vegas isn't exactly known for being anything other than tacky. I love me some glitter, sequins and cleavage (male or female), but none of those account for good taste. This picture also raises a more important question -- if fully tattooed arms are referred to as sleeves, does that mean full leg tattoos are leggings? It sure does in my book. It's mess, but the guy has leggings, so I think that is pretty awesomely bad.


So while the college roommate may have helped me solve a deep philosophical quandary, she also told me in a follow up text that she also managed to spot (but not photograph) a classy lady calf tat! Said classy lady tattoo was of a 'lady and a man with two flags, it was like a circus.' I can't even picture that. I mean I can, but it's like a weird DrawSomething version. I so wish she was able to get a picture of that one. Remember guys, pics or it didn't happen.

Girl, Interrupted?

Hey y'all. I'm back from a week at the beach. Most people would come back with a healthy beachy glow. Not me. I'm too fair to actually tan, I just freckle and get blonder. While I was away, my always reliable fellow calf tat hunters were out in full force. So I have plenty of material to work with.

So let's just dive in and get started.

Today's amazing sighting is from Cindy. I know I always post her pics, but damn, she's got some skills.

I know, there is a lot to look at here.  I think Cindy missed a pretty amazing shin tattoo, but let's try to look past that. Deep breathing. I'm pretty sure that is the only way we are going to get through this calf tat. So let's try to focus, people.

I'm not quite sure how to sugar coat this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it --this is a some batshit crazy stuff here! I was scratching my head wondering what the hell this chick has tattooed all down her legs. I mean, I can read the first two lines, but I had no idea where the eff this came from. Thank goodness for Google, because a quick search revealed that it's actually a poem titled 'Resume' by Dorothy Parker. And it's also recited by the Angelina Jolie's character in Girl, Interrupted. If you're too lazy to click on the hyperlink , the full quote is:

Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live.

Holy crap! All I can do is quote Kanye, 'That shit cray!'

I'm all for having meaningful things tattooed on your body. I mean, that is pretty much the whole point of tattooing, but this is a bit too much. I guess I prefer to get to know someone before being bombarded with their issues, ya know? I think this would have worked a lot better elsewhere on her body. Somewhere more private.

Maybe it's just because I spent a week with my parents, but I can't help but hear my mom's voice saying something about being nice. So I will say something nice. That means, no comment on the shoes, no comment about the shin and side calf tattoos or anything else. I am just going to talk about the long ass quote here. Ok deep breath.

The script work is really pretty.  And symmetrical. I'm going to guess it was pretty painful too. Judging by the length of the quote, it probably goes to the middle of her upper thighs.

But that is all I can say and I hope my mom is happy about that.

The great state of Minnesota?

Ahh Minnesota. Home of many lakes, cold winters and Vikings (in the looting and pillaging type, as well as the NFLteam). Both of those things come together very nicely in this hilarious anecdote. I guess my MPH would be worthless if I wasn't also reminded that the state has some pretty great  great health care.

So today's calf tattoo is courtesy of my dear friend, Chelsea. I know it probably seems like all of my friends are dear friends. But what can I say? I use the same taxonomy of friendships as a 12 year old girl.  

Last week, Chelsea decided to get in on the calf tattoo hunting bonanza. She sent me a picture of a guy she spotted on the T (probably the Green line). The email was simple and to the point.

Subject line: MN?

The body contained the calf tat picture with a simple sentence: Not a great pic but could this be the great state of Minnesota?

 Thank goodness I have friends that know the precise shape of states, because I sure don't. The email sparked an enlightening conversation between me and two fellow calf tat hunters (Chelsea and Cindy). It went a little something like this:

Cindy: who knew people from Minnesota were so proud. i've never seen a state tat before. pretty sweet.

 

chelsea will you now get an OK tat on your calf?

Chelsea:I've seen an Oklahoma one with Massachsetts inside the Oklahoma!! It was awesomely horrendous.

 

Me:

I mean a tattoo of a state inside a state?! How is that even possible?!
How do you manage to put this

inside of this

 More importantly, how do we not have photographic proof that something like that even exists? Looks like we've stumbled upon another illusive calf tat.

The Quintessential Boston Calf Tat

Hey y'all.  Sorry for the interruption in posting. It's definitely not because of a lack of material. I've actually received quite a few calf tat pictures. I'm starting to think this whole calf tattoo thing is much more pervasive than I initially thought. My friends in other cities have sent some interesting sightings into me. Thanks guys and please keep 'em coming. For the calf tat fans in Boston, don't worry -- those other cities can't hold a candle to our calf tattoos. I think we've found the one area that Bostonians are on the cutting edge of fashion.

I'm not sure about you, but when I think of the word 'calf tat', I immediately think Celtic cross. I don't know -- maybe it's because of that month I spent in Ireland back in 1999 and for a split second, I thought about getting a Celtic cross tattoo.  Not on my calf obviously, but somewhere classy like my lower back. I know, I know. But it was the late 90s and they weren't called 'tramp stamps' back then. Oh and get this, tattoos were edgy and bad ass. Completely unlike like today where everyone has them. I mean suburban moms get their children's names tattooed on themselves now. That's not how we rolled back at the turn of the century. We were full of angst, listened to grunge music and grew up in suburbia. We got body piercings and tattoos. As teenagers.

Thank goodness, I didn't get that Celtic cross tattoo. I'd be in the same category as this guy.


For those of you that assumed we saw this guy at a Sox game, you guessed correctly. He's a scalper just outside of Fenway Park. He's there right when you get off of the T at Kenmore. If you don't have tickets to the game, this guy will hook you up. And based on the way the Sox have been playing lately, you'd probably get those tickets for a steal. Just wait until after this first inning and you'll be set.
 
To his credit, this guy hustles, making his calf tat tough to capture. We went through an elaborate ruse, in which we pretended to pose for a picture under the Citgo sign. I'm sorry it's blurry, but it was the best we could do. You can clearly see is that he's rocking the obligatory cargo shorts, athletic socks and sneakers. Props for proper calf tattoo attire. But there wasn't any color to his tattoo. He did have some some crappy shading and detailing, but his tat still looked flat. So close, but yet, not quite right. At least, he's dressing the part.


Now, now. I don't want you to worry and think that all Celtic cross calf tats are totally fug. They aren't. It's possible to do it right. Not only does this guy's tattoo have great color, detail and even shading, but it's also not fugly. I happen to think this particular calf tat is awesome. He managed to un-douche a Celtic cross calf tat! I mean, the man is wearing plaid shorts (that match his tattoo and the T train!) and flip flops, and he still looks awesome! I usually would be totally grossed out by a man in flip flops, but I had confirmation that this guy actually had trimmed his toenails and his feet were clean. What's more impressive than a man who might get a pedicure? A man with a a tan. In Boston!  Well done, bro. Well done.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner (I think)

Hey y'all! I'm sure you've been losing sleep over my last post and have been racking your brain trying to figure out what the hell the most recent calf tat was. Was it Italy or sideways Ireland? Was it green, white and red or green, white and orange? So many questions. Well mystery solved! 

Pssst.. that isn't the Hungarian flag

Italian flag (what the calf tat is)

 












My brilliant friend, Cindy, informed me that the tattoo is shaped like the country of Hungary. I can kinda see it. The shape is definitely closer to Hungary than Italy or Ireland. It's  not right, but it's ok. (See what I did there?)

Hungary (what the calf tat should be)

Now that I know about the shape of Hungary, I can see where some another source of confusion for this dude. Apparently, the Hungarian flag is also green, white and red, but the stripes on the Hungarian flag are horizontal not vertical. Either way, homey got it wrong. Who has two thumbs and can't manage to check Wiki before he got the tattoo? Apparently, that guy in the picture to the left, because he still managed to eff up his calf tat. The shape of the country is almost right but the flag is just a total fail. Apparently, he is proud to be Hungarian but not proud enough to get the shape of the country or it's flag right. For shame, sir.
 

Italia! Italia! Italia!

Last week, I received several really awesome pictures of calf tattoos spotted around Boston. Some were good and some were, well ... awesomely bad. Today's calf tattoo is courtesy my friends the Joneses. Why yes, I do make cracks about Jonesing for things and keeping up with the Jones all the time. And of course, I say the name of the Mr Jones like rapper Mike Jones announces his name on his songs. Fun times. At any rate, fantastic teamwork, guys. You snapped a truly unique tattoo. It was quite the topic of discussion at the bar yesterday during the England v. Italy game. Some random dude at the bar even felt compelled to ask what the hell it was. After a long, awkward convo about this tattoo, he was just as confused as I was and couldn't offer a definitive opinion as to what it was.

When I first got the picture of this monstrosity, it was via text message. The screen resolution of my phone is pretty good and usually acceptable for initial assessment of calf tattoos being good or bad. My first thought was that this was the Italian flag. There's a pretty sizable Italian population here (not like New Jersey), but they still manage to represent the 617*. But upon second, third, and fourth looks, I realized I have no idea what the eff this is. It looks like the colors of the Italian flag. But it's a weird shape. It's definitely not the boot shape of Italy.

If Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of New Jersey have taught us anything, it's that having an Italian flag tattoo in the actual shape of Italy is pretty much required to prove your heritage. Now maybe, the Italians in Boston, do things differently. I'm still learning. Reality TV and 4 years of college in New Jersey have made me a bit of an expert in Jersey Italians. Boston Italians are completely foreign to me. So I really don't know.

I do know that generally when you think Boston, you think Irish. Creme pie and clam chowder are also acceptable answers. Granted most of the people that claim they are 100% Irish actually have had family here for like 200 years, but yeah there are a lot of people of Irish descent here in Boston. Taking that into consideration, I now kinda think maybe this is supposed to Ireland but rotated on it's side, kinda sorta. It's possible that the tiny bit that is next to the white is maybe orange and not red. AmIright? I know. I am reaching on this one. As far as I am concerned this tattoo is a total wild card. I really have no clue what it's supposed to be. Maybe it's rotated Ireland or maybe it's a squashed Italian flag. Either way, it's super fug and I'm bummed England lost yesterday.


*That's the Boston area code, yo!