Is that a banana on your calf or are you just happy to see me?

In the interest of trying to do something new and different, I joined a bowling league with my fellow calf tat lovers. I'm not really any good, but I look at is as a chance to get together mid-week and drink with my friends. Sounds great, right? Beer, bowling and hanging with your friends, what's not to love?  Did I mention that the bowling alley is just across the street from Fenway Park? Yep, that's right. On a weekly basis, I get to fight through a sea of pink hats in prime calf tattoo viewing real estate. Weekly bowling just got better.

After missing a clutch opportunity to snap a shot of an awesome old lady calf tattoo, I caught a glimpse of color on a guy's calf. The guy was rocking an XXL Sox jersey (not a shirsey), cut off dickies and flip flops. He also had some really pretty hair pulled back into a ponytail. His elegant lady friend was keeping cool in her hippie attire (ie no bra). But this couple was on the move -- I don't think I have ever seen anyone walk so quickly outside of Fenway Park on a game day. Apparently, they were headed to Will Call to pick up their tickets. So what did I do? That's right. I followed them like a total creeper. I dragged Cindy along, who was kind enough to pretend that we were trying to get Will Call tickets too. I was trying to get a better picture of this dude's tat but his girlfriend kept getting in the way. I seriously hope she thought we were trying to cut in line. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess she didn't realize we were taking a picture of her man's calf tat. I mean, who does that? Oh right, I do.

Um what in the hell is that? I think it's supposed to be a gorilla with a banana hanging from a tree. Totally realistic right? Nope, not at all. And yes, this means that I am totally going to ruin all the fun that could be gleaned from this terribly fugly tattoo.

Now I know a thing or two about primates. Hell it was my major. Granted I went to college before we used the interwebz to mess around at work all day, but I have the amazing ability to remember really useless crap. So I'm pretty sure that all those primatology classes come in handy at times like these. 

Let's start with the obvious -- gorillas aren't even brown, they're black. Anyone who's seen Gorillas in the Mist knows that. Secondly, they don't eat bananas. They eat bamboo shoots. All damn day long. They find a nice comfy spot and just park themselves there for hours. Pulling bamboo shoots down and eating them. Sounds pretty cool, right? Now I suppose it's possible that this particular gorilla is in a zoo or something, so that could explain the banana. But if the gorilla is in a zoo, enjoying his banana, then what's up with the vine? Like I said, gorillas are lazy -- they just sit and eat all day. Plus their primary mode of locomotion is knuckle walking, like the bad boy in the picture below. Gorillas don't do the brachiation thing, because they're too heavy. Pretty hair guy got his tat all wrong! I also should point out that based on this guy's appearance, I have the feeling he probably was an anthropology major too. Come to think of it, he did smell like patchouli. So he has to know how wrong all of that mess really is. 

This is what a gorilla looks like!

So not only is the tattoo is factually wrong, but it also isn't the greatest thing to look at. I know I complain all too often about the lack of color in calf tattoos.  So I should be happy, he has some color in there, but there's no shading! All color and no shading makes it look really amateur. I have to say that I don't hate the concept, I just hate the execution of the tattoo. If it were a realistic and nicely done tattoo of a gorilla, I would totally be cool if the bearer had a banana in his pocket and was happy to see me. We could spend our first date playing hackey sack and talking about the shrinking mountain gorilla habitat.